“NOT STRONG ENOUGH”

I’M SORRY THAT THIS MESSAGE COMES SO LATE, BUT… WELL…SEE,
ALL THE THOUGHTS, THE REASONS, MY CRYING, LEAD ME TO REALIZE WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE,

I TRIED FOR SO LONG TO UNDERSTAND MAYBE THE PURPOSE BEHIND YOUR ACTIONS AND POSSIBLE UNDERLYING REASONS WHY,
YOU COULD EASILY SAY THINGS AND SHOW ME 50% OF THE 100% I NEEDED TO CONSISTENTLY SEE IN YOUR ACTIONS AND IN YOUR EYES,

NOW I CANT DENY -I SEE AND UNDERSTAND SOMETHING THAT I MAY HAVE OVERLOOKED,
I’VE BEEN PATIENT, I’VE BEEN UNDERSTANDING TO THINGS MANY DAYS FOR GRANTED I FEEL YOU TOOK,

I KNOW OVER TIME YOU HAD TO FORCE YOUR HEART TO THE PLACE THAT NO ONE SEES,
CAUSE YOU CAME TO BELIEVE THAT NO ONE WOULD LOOK OUT FOR YOU BETTER THAN YOURSELF AND YOUR SELFLESS NEEDS,

TO ME IT WAS GREED – SELFISHNESS RATHER I WOULD SAY,
YOU SEEMINGLY GAVE UP ON SOMETHING AND STOPPED PUTTING IN YOUR ALL EACH AND EVERYDAY,

IN EVERY WAY – I COULD NEVER EVER CONCEIVE,
THAT YOU AND I WOULD NOT MAKE IT AND OUR LIVES WOULD END UP LIKE THIS- UNSURE OF WHAT YOU NEED,

NO LONGER DO I BREATHE, MY HEAD AWFULLY HURTS,
WHEN YOU IGNORE MY CALLS, DON’T CALL AT ALL, MY HEART FOLDS UP -I HIDE MY TEARS AT WORK,

I AM SO HURT, SO SAD, AND MISERABLY TRYING TO GRASP ONTO SOMETHING THAT FOR YOU HAS SEEMINGLY ALREADY PASSED,
SEE I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING THRU THIS TO MAKE OUR FUTURE DAYS OF LOVE LAST AND LAST TO SHOW OUR KIDS HOW TO MAKE IT LAST,

BUT I HEAR YOUR LAUGH SOMEHOW THRU IT ALL OK YOU MANAGE TO BE,
ALL I CAN THINK IS HOW CAN YOU LAUGH YET TELL ME NOT TO BELIEVE WHAT MY EARS AND EYES CLEARLY SEE,

I GUESS IN THE END I THOUGHT I WAS HANGING ON AND BEING SO VERY TOUGH,
BUT THEN IT DAWNED ON ME, THE POSSIBILITY THAT I WASN’T WHAT YOU NEEDED –

MAYBE I WASN’T STRONG ENOUGH,

MAYBE YOU’RE NEEDING ME TO BE MORE PATIENT, MAYBE YOUR TRYING TO PUT THINGS IN ORDER SO WE CAN FOREVER BE,
MAYBE ITS ALL JUST A SCHEME FOR YOU TO PERMANENTLY CUT OUR TIES, FOREVER CUT THE ROPE FOR MY WIFE YOU NEVER WANT TO BE,

IN MY HEAD ARE SCREAMS, DOWN MY FACE ARE STREAMS ALL POURING FROM MY VEINS,
YOU CAN EASILY IGNORE MY FALLS TO THE FLOOR SINCE YOU’RE DISTANT YOU DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY PAINS,

YET YOU CAUSE THE RAIN, YOU ARE APART OF THAT HURT,
I ALWAYS GAVE MY ALL TO YOU AND MY LAST TO YOU, AND YOU’VE STOPPED GIVING ME YOUR THIRST,

YOUR HUNGER AND APPETITE FOR WHAT WE WERE DESTINED TO BE,
AGAIN REALIZING THAT YOU MAY BLOW THIS OFF AND SAY I’M FOOLISH OR JUST CRAZY,

AM I CRAZY FOR HAVING THE DREAMS OF YOU AND ANOTHER ALL THE TIME?
CRAZY TO THINK SOMEONE ELSE IS FILLING ALL THE VOIDS THAT WERE ALL MINE?

AM I COMPLAINING OR ACTING AS A CHILD FOR VOICING WHAT MY EYES SEE AND HEART TRULY KNOWS?
WHY WHEN I SPEAK THESE THINGS THE ANSWER FROM YOU IS ALWAYS NO, YET YOUR ACTIONS NEVER SHOW?

SO MAYBE I AM TO BLAME OR PARTIALLY FOR ALL THAT HAS COME TO BE,
I JUST THOUGHT I’D LET YOU KNOW THAT I’M SORRY FOR NOT BEING STRONG ENOUGH –

NOT BEING STRONG ENOUGH TO BE THE MAN YOU TRULY NEED.